[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
