Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
