i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
