I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
