she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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