Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
