i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
