right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
