its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
