It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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