I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
