I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
