I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
