btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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