Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
