I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And then he peed in my hair
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