eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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