his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
