You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
