It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
