I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
