Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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