ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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