and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
