I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
