a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
