Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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