; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
