My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
