My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
