i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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