nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
