oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
