Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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