Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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