I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
