Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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