He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
