Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
