I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
