no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
home. puking in laundry basket.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
