My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
