just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
