State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
