Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
