This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
