after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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