Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
