I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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