If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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