I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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