Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
