check it out our google latitudes are spooning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
