Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
