I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
